May 2014 Newsletter
Do we ever “graduate” out of our conditioned selves?
With themes of graduations, weddings, commencement addresses and the words of wisdom at all these events, I was wondering if we ever truly “graduate” from our conditioned selves? To explain, this would be a behavior or attitude that flies in the face of peace, love and understanding. J You know the kinds: a temper tantrum, a resentment that goes on for far too long, gossiping, judgments, lack of acceptance or just downright mistaken motivations, like trying to gain attention, power or influence.
In Human Design, Ra Uru Hu (the creator of Human Design) says that we “de-condition” from our conditioned selves after we’ve known about our Human Design strategy for seven years. I’m about five years into this experiment, and I wonder, after watching others with more experience than me, if we ever get over the triggers that we grew up with? What we mean by “conditioning” is the rules or behaviors or beliefs that we grow up with because of our families, teachers, or friends’ influence on us. These are the things like acting out, dramatic emotions, using our head to make decisions, rebelling just because, or taking actions that just don’t serve us or even sabotage our intended goals. Why do we do these things – to ourselves and to others? And why is it so hard to get past them, even if you know your Human Design strategy?
We take these actions that don’t serve us because we feel dis-empowered or angry or inadequate. It’s because we perceive an injustice or a slight or an unkind word in our direction. Basically, it’s because we perceive that we’re different or isolated or just not one of the group. And that feels uncomfortable.
Even though we know our strategy, even if we’re learning to be more open, kind, loving, accepting of all, it can still be a challenge to remember that when we get “triggered” by something. Triggers can include a family member’s visit, an event that brings back childhood memories and behaviors, or just a food or location or song that recalls a less-than-happy childhood memory.
We can’t banish those triggers from our lives, but we can deal with them more effectively so that they have less of an impact on us and those we love. Here’s a very powerful tactic* for dealing with these triggers that I heard about recently:
Identify the trigger: song, location, food, etc. (Rather than just pushing it aside, and “ignoring” it, but allowing it to distract your activity or conversation)
Give it a moment in your mind: Realize that it can no longer hurt you, you’ve got ways to handle it now, and you’re not the child you were when it first happened. Talk to yourself, calm yourself, and reassure yourself until it no longer has the jolt it had when you encountered it.
Tuck it away in your mind as something you’ve dealt with as an adult, and that you no longer need to give it any “power” over you. And continue with your activities.
While this seems like a simple exercise, it can be very effective for dealing with those triggers that pop up in the most unexpected ways. Once you’ve dealt with it, you can resume your life, your activities, and your intended goals in the way that you want!
*If you’d like more information about this exercise, just email me and I’ll share the information about this remarkable program with you.