MAKING DECISIONS ACCORDING TO STRATEGY
As I said last month, thinking about all the factors that can lead us to doubt our own Strategy for making decisions, they line up rather neatly into two categories:
Last month, we discussed “Saying Yes when you mean NO” and now we’ll look at the converse.
SAYING “NO” WHEN YOU MEAN “YES”
If you’re making a decision that’s bigger than what to have for dinner, you may have come to rely on – and even fully trust – your own decision-making Strategy over time. But then something happens to change your mind or change your perspective. What is that?? And where does it come from?
Saying “no” doesn’t happen quite as often as the opposite, but it does happen. These Open Centers – the Spleen, Solar Plexus (again), the “G” and the Head and Ajna combination — can keep us out of the decisions that we really should have said “Yes” to, as we wanted to originally. These are the Centers where we’re more likely to say “no” out of fear, anxiety or nervousness.
Our “Yes” may sound like this:
- Yes, I think I’m ready to look for a new position to grow into.
- Yes, I’d love to be in a committed relationship with you.
- Yes, it may be time to switch careers to the one I’ve been passionate about for years.
- Yes, I’m ready to step up and out and make a mark with my life’s purpose.
Saying “Yes” takes courage. And there are plenty of places in the chart where our Strategy will be saying “yes” while our mind or our voice is saying “no”. We think there’s safety in saying “no”. But when it comes to our health, relationships or career, it may be short-lived safety. Eventually, saying “no” to all the places where we can grow is what makes us sick – literally.
Let’s take a look at those Open Centers that bring up the fears and keep us from saying “Yes” in the short term.
The Open Spleen is all about survival and ways to keep us safe. It’s very intuitive by nature and also very attuned to the subtle changes in your health. You’ll notice, for example, when you have a scratchy throat indicating the start of a cold, and you’ll take the steps to do whatever you do to prevent it, if possible. It’s a great little warning device. When we meet someone that we immediately like, that’s our Spleen telling us that this person is funny or nice or safe for us to talk with. When we meet someone whom we decide we’d rather NOT talk to, that’s our Spleen telling us that there is something unsafe about this person.
Subtle, but very distinct messages, right?
But it’s also the center for fears, our own and other people’s. With an Open Spleen, we certainly have enough fears of our own. Since they’re not usually fears about survival, we call these “false fears”. Like the fear of failure or success, fears of the future and past, fear of inadequacy. We will feel them, but once we take the steps to move through them, they usually recede into the background.
We can also pick up very easily on the fears of people around us. And as with any Open Center, we amplify that energy. It’s why people with the Open Spleen will rarely go to scary movies in the theater. They might be fine at home watching them, but it can be pretty overwhelming to feel the fears of the entire audience. Feeling your own fear or others’ fears can easily make us say “no” in certain situations. We think that “no” will assure safety, in whatever form we’re hoping to get it. It keeps us safe from risks. And we wonder how much the risk will cost us. It’s the “yes” that helps us to grow, and we know that. But we hold ourselves back with the “no”, and it feels comfortable.
With the Open Solar Plexus, we’re picking up on other people’s emotions, but also feeling our own nervousness about a situation, and meanwhile picking up on others’ nervousness. A tricky dance.
With the Open Head and Ajna (about half the population), our openness is literally getting in the way of doing what our Strategy knows is right for us. You can come up with all kinds of great excuses – most rooted in the anxiety of the Ajna – that sound like perfectly legitimate reasons for waiting on something you’d really like to do.
Most of us are quite accomplished at lists of “Pro’s and Con’s”. Those are all in the Head/Ajna as the result of our own anxieties, but also the anxieties that others put on us as well. Whether we acquiesce to our own anxieties or those of our well-meaning parents, spouse or friends, it’s still a “no” that really wanted to be a “yes”. Their fears become our fears and we wind up never taking a step forward unless it’s assured, safe and comfortable.
Finally, the Open “G” will have us saying “no” when we’d really like to say “yes” in situations when we are questioning our sense of self. The “G” is all about our Self – our self-direction and our self-love. Taking a big step into a new relationship or a new position or even moving to a new location, can be difficult for the Open “G” Center.
With all these fears going on, it’s amazing that anything gets accomplished, isn’t it? But what happens over time is that the discomfort from NOT listening to your Strategy actually becomes unbearable – take it from me. And then we feel like we HAVE to listen to our Strategy. That’s when all the good stuff in life happens. So think of it as your safe place; the place where you get to decide what’s right for you, no matter what anyone else thinks or says or does. They are not you. Take solace in the fact that you know what’s right for you. It’s worth taking that risk, stepping out into the abyss, and really living the life that you’re here to enjoy!